Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
