Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
