Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
