well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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