i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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