I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
