you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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