I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
