Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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