I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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