dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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