Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
