dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
