I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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