I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
