She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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