yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
