GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
