I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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