My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
