Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
