He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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