I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
