The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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