Cold hands, warm shart.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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