a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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