so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
