What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
