And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
