yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
