You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
