I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
