remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
