i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
