I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
