I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
