Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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