where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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