i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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