somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
