Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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