I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
