First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
they need to just BURY HIM!
my sisters under your porch take her home
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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