someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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