if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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