on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
