He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
