so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
