if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
