census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
