I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
