So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
