Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
