The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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