I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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